My Thoughts

Alma 34:32

For behold, this life is the time 

for men to prepare to meet God; 

yea, behold the day of this life 

is the day for men to perform their labors.

If ever there was a frustrating aspect of my personality, this touches on it. I am lazy. I don't like to be, and I try quite often to overcome it, but thus far, I have been unsuccessful. "Cease to be idle" seems so incredibly impossible for me, and I don't particularly understand why. This aspect of my natural woman has such a strong grasp on me that my focus on this scripture this week has been a rather discouraging one. 

 

I know this is not right. I know in my mind that I can bring this weakness to Christ and He can make it a strength through His grace. But I am unsure specifically how to go about this right now. My parents are incredibly hard workers. I almost never see my Mother, but she is working, or serving, or planning to do so. And then there's me with my overwhelming inertia and seeming inability to move past it. Surely the advice to "just do it" or "take baby steps" or "do a bite at a time" shouldn't be so hard. And yet it is.

 

I believe I will need more time to work on this concept and overcoming this personal struggle. I know Christ is strong enough to help me with this, what I doubt is my own ability to come to Him and stay with Him and do my part adequately.   

I think I will pick a related scripture next week, and maybe for every week after until I feel like I am on my way to working through this.

My Thoughts

John 7:17

If any man will do his will, 

he shall know of the doctrine,

whether it be of God,

or whether I speak of myself.

Originally, I wanted to do Ether 12:6 "...dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." 

However, I ended up liking the verse I chose more because it gives me something to act on that will let me know, whereas enduring a trial of faith feels a little more passive. Not that it is. Certainly a trial of faith would require acting on that faith since "faith without works is dead." (James 2:26) But John 7:17 I feel is quite concrete. 

If you want to know if something comes from God, do it. Test it out and you will see. 

Of course I have been on this train of thought because of a minor upset in the LDS public image. Not that public image is a huge matter of concern (remember those laughing and mocking from the great and spacious building?) but it has been hard to see the dissension and dispute associated with it. I grieve for those who have a weaker testimony or who have left the Church completely and are struggling to make sense of these things. 

When you look at me from the outside, it might be easy to assume that I've never had my doubts or struggles with the Church. I was baptized at 8 years old and have attended all my life. Now I am resolute in my belief and defense of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am sure many out there would assume that I adhere to blind obedience, and cannot think for myself or have never really doubted. This is not true.

After I got married and moved out of my parents house, I went through my own questioning phase. (I should mention this had nothing to do with my husband. He was a wonderful support to me and his faith remained unshaken. It was simply a natural progression in my own spirituality that would have happened regardless of my circumstances.) 

I had a time where I embraced the philosophies of men and sought them out. I appreciated and related to them more than I did that of my parents' faith. I assumed that the Church was old-fashioned and archaic and that it wasn't taking into account the times that we lived in. 

Not that I assumed it could or would ever change. I knew enough about the organization and principles behind the Church to know that they believed that God was at the helm and nothing would change from lobbying or from popular opinion. My choices were to accept it wholeheartedly or to leave and seek something better. The Church would never mold itself to the desires of man. 

I never stopped attending, but it was nevertheless a time of internal rebellion for me. I was frequently caught up in "causes" and "equality" etc. etc. I was full of anger and indignation much of the time. I was excessively pessimistic and misanthropic.

However, after some time (several years) as I continued allying myself with various trains of thought, I began to frustrate myself with the inconsistencies of these theories. Many of them were fully at odds with one another. Try as I might, I simply could not get them to work harmoniously together. 

I don't know when this scripture entered into my thoughts, but it has stuck with me firmly ever since:

"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;" (Ephesians 4:14)

It's an impartial thought, you have to go and read more of the chapter to get the whole picture, (hint: the Church was created to help protect against this situation!) but the phrase "carried about with every wind of doctrine" was so indicative of the confusion and upset I was experiencing trying to make sense out of the philosophies of the world. 

I also came to the realization that my anger and indignation were not born of the Spirit and that the contention that plagued my heart was an indication of the presence of the adversary.

I started my return to the Gospel, but had hiccups along the way. At one point, irritated about some point or another in the day to day organization of the Church, I considered doing "church at home" which is rather like homeschooling, but for religion. I emailed a cousin of mine who is very much a DIY type and homeschools her own children asking about what would be wrong with such a thing. 

It took some time to digest everything she said, but I chose to act on it in faith and I can say now that I have a firmer testimony of the Church and its organization than I ever have had at any point in my life. 

I went through my time of questioning and struggling, and I am glad that I did. I feel like it gave me a chance to inoculate myself against some ideas and thoughts that are coming up in full force now. If I hadn't questioned and doubted and overcome at that time, I may now be swept away in a current that would be too strong for me to overcome. 

I look forward to the time when all will be understood and all truth will be circumscribed in one great whole. I do not believe it is possible with the philosophies of men, but only through the Gospel and the revelation of a just and merciful God. 

Here is part of my cousin's letter for those interested in why home-churching is not the way to go for LDS families: (I have removed or edited some identifying information.)

"The following are some points to think about concerning church at home. It is not an indictment against anyone, it's just what church policy is and why it is. I'm going to speak very plainly, so hopefully it won't be too blunt or harsh.
First off, I understand the desire that not having 'one more thing to do each week' brings. Sometimes it seems like there are always just a few more things that have to be done and that in turn adds up to a lot of busy-ness which makes you want to cut things out. On that note, church isn't the thing to be cut out.
Your home has no authority to officiate a church. Yes, you can have the Melchizedek Priesthood in your home, and your husband can give blessings for comfort and healing the sick, but you have NO Priesthood authorization for blessing babies, baptism, confirmation, or sealing in your home because you want to. The priesthood gives the husband the authority to perform ordinances but the authorization to do so must come from the presiding authority associated with that ordinance. Baby Blessing and Baptism come from the Bishop, Confirmation from the Stake President, Endowment and Sealing from the Prophet. We've blessed all of our children at home because of various reasons, and each time we've had to get permission from the Bishop to do so and a member of the bishopric was present to preside over the ordinance. Likewise, when I was baptized, I got to do my baptism in another state. My Bishop had to do all my interviews and then sign a form so I could present that form to the Bishop there showing I was worthy and ready to be baptized and my father was worthy and authorized to exercise his authority in the Melchizedek Priesthood for that ordinance. Look at Numbers 3:10 and look at the footnotes, specifically footnote C. It states that Aaron and his sons are appointed to administer the priesthood (in the office of Bishop) and those that presume to try and preside as they do will be punished.
The Church is where the authority of God lies. There is no way you can have that authority in your home. It is the hierarchy and authority set out by God and given to Moses in the Old Testament. The Children of Israel were organized by their Tribe for responsibilities, but they were also organized into smaller groups to make administering and teaching easier. Moses wasn't able to personally administer to all the things/queries/issues that came up. He tried, and that was all he did. He couldn't administer to the Spiritual side of life. When he took that problem to God, Moses was told to organize Israel (The Church) like a tent. The tent is the Church, but the tent is made secure by stakes and the stakes are held into place by pegs.  Each Ward is the pegs, the Stakes are the stakes and the Church is the entire structure. (Numbers Chapter 2) Each Tribe is organized around the Ark of the Covenant, and then each Tribe was further organized and administered by Captains. The Captains administer to the needs of the families under his care.
Although they are sometimes hard to see, there are some wonderful blessings to gathering as a church on a weekly basis. Socialization with those that have similar beliefs. A support network for like minded people. And church is where many LDS people meet and make friends especially when they live outside of the Idaho/Utah church lifestyle.
While we as a church are willing to help our non LDS neighbors and people around the world, that help comes much more quickly and effectively if you regularly attend church because imperfect people like to help people more when they know you and socialize with you on a regular basis. The Church has a structure in place for helping those in need and hopefully helping before the need becomes too great. That is part of why you have the Relief Society Organization, Visiting Teaching, and Home Teaching. It allows you to learn of needs in a much more personal way, giving you the opportunity to serve. Likewise, the structure of the church allows for quicker responses to emergencies. Wardhouses become centers of operations, and through the auxiliaries they can check on people in the ward and report to the Bishops, who then report to the Stake Presidencies on up to make sure all members are accounted for. When the Tsunami hit Japan, they knew in less than 48 hours where all the Members were because of this system. Likewise, when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf area in the US, members organized under their respective Wards and Stakes to help with the cleanup efforts, distributing Disaster Relief and Medical help.
You get benefits by helping others. If you don't go to church, you won't know if there are service projects, someone needing specific help or a cleanup effort or disaster relief going on. You get benefit from serving. You don't give service just for someone else's benefit, it also is for you. Your children learn from the example of service that you set and learn that service is a good thing. Even when it's hard, they learn the principles of hard work, finishing a project, and the satisfaction of a job well done. 
One of the benefits with gathering with the Saints is you get differing points of view and testimonies by going to church. Other people will be stronger in different gospel principles than you will, so they can strengthen and uplift you where you are weak. Likewise you can strengthen and uplift them with your testimony in areas they are weak. You have the added benefit of having the knowledge of different presiding authority to correct incorrect doctrine that someone may share as gospel truth even though it isn't. That would be incorrect traditions of their father's creeping in, but proper authority can admonish and dispell incorrect traditions so people can learn further gospel teachings. I've been in multiple Wards where this has happened, and it is amazing what you learn from the gentle correction of a presiding authority.
The greatest ordinance that can happen to you on this earth is the Sealing ordinance. You cannot do that at home, on your own. It can only happen through the Sealer at the Temple, and he is called by the Brethren to do this Sacred work.
The LDS Church has the authority of God on Earth.  That is one of the greatest distinctions between us and every other religion in the world.  If you separate yourself from the LDS church to do church in your home on a regular basis, then you have no better chance of salvation than any other incomplete organization, and likely a worse chance since you had the truth at hand and rejected it.
This is also a reason why we learn line upon line, precept upon precept. In the New Testament and the Doctrine and Covenants, it talks about milk and meat. I'm sure you're familiar with the principle. You have to learn the lesser or lower laws before you can learn and participate in the higher laws. That is why the ordinances are voluntary. An Endowed person is no better than a person who has only been Baptized. They are two people who are in different points in their personal progression. That is why it is so important to help eachother learn and grow in the Church. You never know where someone is in their learning and we all need to help eachother learn correct doctrine and principles.
One of the reasons why people are interested in home churching is because they know they are missing something in the previous churches they have attended and they don't know what it is. They are looking for correct doctrine and principles to draw them closer to Christ and His true church. After realizing they haven't found it in any of the churches they have gone to, and for whatever reason they don't decide to investigate our church, they usually decide to gather with just their family or a couple like minded families to worship at home. Since they can't find the authority of the priesthood in any church but ours, and since their husband's do not have the priesthood conferred upon them by a proper authority, they try to do the best they can without having any of the saving ordinances of the Gospel.
One thing to remember about Priesthood authority is how much Satan wants it and wants to corrupt that authority with anyone he can. He will try and tempt you with things that are similar to what is right, but trying to get you to ignore the other parts of what makes the correct thing right. Temptation comes in a form of godliness, but rejecting the authority of God. Satan is the master at saying "Look at this here, it is wonderful, you don't have to worry about anything, just do what I say." But when you question him and ask "What about this over here? Doesn't this play into that?" He tells you to ignore it because it is easier that way. It's one of his tricks to divert the righteous away from the truth. It's easier to swallow a lie that is based in a bit of truth than to swallow an out and out lie. That is why he is so effective.
Non-Religious. It gives you structure to your Sunday. Going to church alleviates the bordom of a day with no commitments or structure to it. At first it's great, but then you grow tired of it over time. Then people start filling their Sundays with odds and ends and occasional dinners out or quick shopping trips. Then they are not keeping the Sabbath Day holy. I know that during the Winter, when I have had kids sick multiple weeks in a row, I get very stir crazy about going to church. It gives structure to your week, and it is a wonderful way to set the tone for each week. When I miss a Sunday, the days of the week tend to run together and I feel as if I can't get on top of the things I need to accomplish for that week.
Church is something to look forward to because you can see your friends at church. Not all your friends are in your Ward, but I'm betting you have some friends there. When the Church draws up Ward boundaries, they always try to not split a street of houses facing eachother so people will be in the same Ward as their nearest neighbors. It builds tighter Ward Families, stronger neighborhoods, and closer friendships that way. Another reason for gathering as a Ward Family and meeting at Church is most people have Sundays off work so they get a day without the Saturday obligations of house and yard to spend with family.
Read Boyd K. Packer's talk in this last Conference (April 2013), These Things I Know. At first it seems short and not a lot to it, but dig a little in it, look for the deeper meaning, you'll find a wealth of knowledge inside it. Even in the poem at the beginning. At first, I read the poem and it was okay, but then I broke it up into the stanzas and really started looking for the meaning. It talks about not trading knowledge and understanding for youth so that in the end, when you are before Christ, you can say without a doubt that you know these things. It was a wonderful talk to read.
Here are some of the things the Church has said about the relationship between the Gospel and the family. In the Church Handbook of Instruction, Volume 2 it says the following:
1.1.4
As Part of our Heavenly Father's plan, we were born into families. He established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare us for eternal life.
Parents have the vital responsibility to help their children prepare to return to Heavenly Father. Parents fulfill this responsibility by teaching their children to follow Jesus Christ and live His Gospel.
1.1.5
The Church provides the organization and means for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to all of God's children. It provides the priesthood authority to administer the ordinances of salvation and exaltation to all who are worthy and willing to accept them.
1.2.2
Priesthood and auxiliary leaders and teachers strive to help others become true followers of Jesus Christ (see Mosiah 18:18-30.) To assist individuals and families in this effort, they:
   1. Teach and testify of the pure doctrines of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
   2. Strengthen individuals and families in their efforts to keep their sacred covenants.
   3. Provide counsel, support, and opportunities for service.
In addition, certain priesthood leaders have the authority to oversee the performance of the saving priesthood ordinances.
1.4 The Home and the Church
In the teachings and practices of the restored gospel, the family and the Church help and strengthen each other. To qualify for the blessings of eternal life, families need to learn the doctrines and receive the priesthood ordinances that are available only through the Church. To be a strong and vital organization, the Church needs righteous families.
God has revealed a pattern of spiritual progress for individuals and families through ordinances, teaching, programs, and activities that are home centered and Church supported. Church organizations and programs exist to bless individuals and families and are not ends in themselves. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders and teachers seek to assist parents, not to supersede or replace them.
Priesthood and auxiliary leaders must endeavor to strengthen the sacredness of the home by ensuring that all Church activities support the lives of individuals and families. Church leaders need to be careful not to overwhelm families with too many Church responsibilities. Parents and Church leaders work together to help individuals and families return to our Father in Heaven by following Jesus Christ.
 1.4.3
Strengthening Individuals
Church leaders should give special attention to individuals who do not presently enjoy the support of a family of strong Church members. These members may include children and youth whose parents are not members of the Church, other individuals in part-member families, and single adults of all ages. They are covenant members of God’s eternal family, deeply loved by Him. These individuals should be given opportunities for service in the Church. The Church can provide wholesome sociality and fellowship that these members can find nowhere else.
Every member of the Church is as precious as every other. God’s eternal plan provides for all of His faithful children to receive every blessing of eternal life, exalted in families forever.
I hope this helps, I'd love to discuss it further if you have more questions."